lilies
by a-perfect-melody
Summary: Lily has to learn how to put herself together again after a tragedy. / "And nobody calls her 'Evans' anymore so her memory of him looses it's colour a bit more every day." / muggle au


[Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and accept no credit towards it. I am not J.K. Rowling nor am I in any way affiliated with her.]

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lilies

i finally managed to get up a fic for jilytober!

warnings for character death and swearing.

word count (without a/n): 970

prompts below.

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_without further ado..._

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Her fingers tremble as she replaces the receiver, fumbling as she struggles to keep it in her shaking hands.

The first tears begin to fall as she backs into the counter, her heart beating painfully against her ribs.

"_I'm so sorry, Mrs Potter_."

Lily doesn't think she can breathe properly; she heaves air in with great difficulty and, through a haze of mascara and tears, sinks to the floor, holding her head in her hands and _sobbing_.

.

A light frost covers the ground and Lily walks quickly, pulling her coat tighter around herself.

There's a chill in the early February air, a cold wind bites at the ends of her hair but she hurries forward anyway, toward the grey headstone at the end of the plot.

"Hey, Jamie," she says softly as she reaches it, pulling the bouquet of lilies from her bag and laying them at her feet. "It's me again. I've brought you some more flowers. I hope you can see them wherever you are."

She waits, alone in the empty graveyard, for someone to call back to her, to feel his fingers running through her hair again, to hear his laugh in her ear but nothing.

"I love you."

Silence.

Touching a hand to the cold grey of her husband's grave, Lily leaves, wiping away the tear that runs down the bridge of her nose.

.

Marlene's round for tea.

Ever since October, Lily's sure Marlene's been at Lily's more than her own flat but Lily's not complaining.

She likes the company.

"I bought cake," Marlene says, shaking a lemon drizzle cake under Lily's nose (her favourite), and envelops Lily in a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm better," Lily says as she says every damn time and glances at the wedding band on her finger. "I'm okay."

.

Marlene stays the night as she's done a thousand times before so when the imminent nightmares tear Lily from her sleep, wailing and weeping, she's there, ever soothing her best friend with another hot water bottle and a steaming cup of tea.

"It won't hurt forever," Marlene promises one such night as Lily hugs her knees in the rocking chair, clutching her mug as though it's the only thing tethering her to the ground. "You're strong."

That's what he always used to say, Lily remembers as his memory squeezes her heart stiff.

She remembers how she used to lie in his arms whenever something went wrong and he'd take her hand and whisper,

"You've got this, Evans."

But that was a lie because the unthinkable's happened and she hasn't got this, she isn't even fucking close.

And nobody calls her 'Evans' anymore so her memory of him looses its colour a little more everyday.

.

The therapy sessions are hell.

Lily knows this man is trying to help but when he looks at her over his spectacles with his eyes half glazed over with pity, and says "Mrs Potter," in that voice, she wants to scream.

But she sticks it out because this is what she needs to get better.

And she wants so desperately to get better.

"And how are you feeling today?" Mr Dumbledore says, looking up at Lily.

"Better," she says staunchly and twists her wedding ring around her finger.

A nervous habit.

It doesn't go unnoticed by Mr Dumbledore - whose face is always so bloody unreadable - who notes it down in his clipboard and smiles earnestly at Lily.

"An improvement," he says. "Always something I like to see."

He scribbles something else on his clipboard.

"Mrs Potter-" He says.

"Lily," she interrupts tiredly, pushing her unwashed hair behind her ear. "Please call me Lily."

He nods.

"Lily," he says. "May I ask what you intend to achieve in these sessions?"

Lily looks at him, with eyes so full of melancholia, and she can almost feel James' hand in hers.

"I don't know," she says, her voice cracking.

Mr Dumbledore nods sadly, like he knew her answer all along.

"I might suggest a break," he says, smiling at her kindly, so reminiscent of her father that Lily wants to cry. "Take two weeks, Lily, and rest. You might be surprised at what happens."

Before Lily can speak, he continues,

"I'm not saying that it'll solve things but it might help clear your head and that is a small step on the road to recovery I believe in heartily."

.

So, Lily rests.

She sits crossed legged on her living room sofa, armed with a plate of biscuits and a good book and rests.

It doesn't get better but it doesn't get any worse, which, after eight months of emptiness, is an improvement in itself.

Marlene and Remus flit round anxiously, bringing with them small tanks full of homemade lasagnas and casseroles and chit chat.

Sirius comes round plenty and they sit there together, squeezing hands and trying to hold on.

Her parents invade the house with pies and scarfs and mushy films and while Lily's not better, she's okay.

She's finally doing okay.

.

The summer heat pricks the back of Lily's neck as she walks and she hitches up the hem of her dress as it catches in a rare pocket of weeds.

"Hey, Jamie," she says as she reaches the familiar stone. "It's Lily." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a fresh bunch of lilies, replacing the ones which have already cracked and dried in the June heatwave. "More flowers, of course. I hope you like them." She kneels down in the dirt, tracing the inscription with steady fingers. "I miss you."

After a while, she stands, dusting off her dress and pressing a hand lovingly to the warm stone.

"I love you."

It's a long road to recovery but Lily's finally on it, and she's okay.

She's okay.

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_fin_.

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prompts

written for hogwarts, assignment 4, men's history, task 1: write a story that falls into one of these categories - **tragedy**, comedy, history. (I picked tragedy)

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wow, so what a miserable fic. I apologise. I have a Jily fic all ready in preparation for Halloween next week so look out for that!

reviews are always welcomed; I love receiving feedback!

as always, thank you so much for reading. Xx


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